A Suicide Note – situation in my head
The voices in my head, they just never stop. I talk to myself a lot. I think I am a freak or literally a mad guy who don’t know what to do with my life. I am not clear with my vision, my future plannings are on stake, I am not in my senses sometimes, I always feel an anger or a fire in me, I am restless, I am insomniac, I feel a headache at times and take a lot of medicines to get rid of it, I don’t go for a medical check-up because I am afraid it might detect a huge disease, I feel pain in my heart also, I don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to cry out loud, I want to jump from the top of a building though I am afraid of heights, I even want to slap myself and say why can’t you do anything right, I am not disciplined, I don’t even know why I am writing this, I chose a title which seems a solution of restlessness for a reader but it’s more like a complaint, I am simply out of control of my mind. Or, maybe I am in control of my mind.
Has this happened with you? This happens with me a lot time, in fact, I am bearing it while writing this. Maybe I am writing because of this, but I need a more free mind to write anything. I want to write about everything and I want to experience it before writing about it. Never planned to write about anxiety issues, I thought I don’t have any, but seems I am full of it.
I am not only angry at me but on others too. I am lost, disappointed, failed, shattered, depressed, sad, angry, tired, breathless, bitter and what not. It feels like a suicide, which I have already attempted. I wish I could just stop everything in this world. I want to stop the watch, the time, life, the world just to arrange everything according to me. I know I am not going to be happy even I do that, but this restlessness taking my patience and power of accepting anything which comes on the road.
I wish I had some super powers. I have no idea, what would I do with my powers, but one thing I would have done is to tell the voices in my head to SHUT UP!
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